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Dear, Faithful Readers,
You have no idea how much I do not want to write this. But it is necessary. I can no longer hold back certain things.
I write far more than I post here. I hold a lot back. The majority of what I would consider my core messages has never seen the light of day. In fact, the first article I wrote for this "Personal Word" section concerned my holding back "revelation" because of my fear of the reaction. I cut the article. "Personal Word" opened with two different, and relatively tame, articles.
Let me shock some of those who think they know me best: I don't like being controversial. I don't like battling and warring. I might have a "warrior spirit" but I am a very reluctant warrior.
Once, I would (metaphorically) pull out my sword and go rushing into any fracas. "Let's mix it up!!!" But along the line, I had one too many battles. I began to suffer attacks that not only were not fun, but were far beyond my control. I began losing. Enemies descended from every side. Those closest to me played Brutus to my Caesar. It seemed even when I won, the victory was so hollow I might as well have lost. Though God always deflects the blows, many still hit. A killing force blow, once deflected by God, might only bruise deeply. But bruise it does.
"It's hard to get beat up day in and day out."---Steve Case, CEO AOL (quoted in the book "aol.com" by Kara Swisher)
There are several ways to react to constant conflict and criticism. One is to become inured, develop a hardened, calloused exterior that is impervious to any more such assault. Another is to be completely unfazed on way or another. Then there are those who become hypersensitive to anything that even hints of being remotely like the battles of yesterday. I fell into the latter slot. Like the "fastest gun in the west" who grows so tired of the constant calls into the street he becomes gun shy, I developed an aversion to conflict of any kind.
I don't like isolating people. I don't like offending people. I'll go far to maintain relation, frequently far beyond the time it is reasonable. (Interestingly, one of the lies the devil has out on me is that I am exactly the opposite. What lies does the devil have out on you? If your answer is "none" I am concerned for you, brother!)
While there are those things God tells us then instructs us not to share, there are far more things it is at my discretion to say. I am literally exploding to say some things. Some of these things fly right in the face of modern church tradition and head me against the tide of many strongly held positions. I believe many things I have to say will be controversial. I believe they will attract criticism, isolate me from people, and lose me readership.... But what choice do I have? At some point I must speak, or it will be passed to another and I'll end up on God's scrap heap of "Might Have Been's" and "If Only's." I don't much care for that.
It is with great trepidation that I declare to you, it is time to get controversial. It is time to say some things I have held back. It is time to take on some moribund views and ideas that have poisoned the church. Some I should have said far sooner. This site is three years old. It won't last three more years if I keep sitting on my hands.
That said, the mission of this site, and the evangelism aimed spin-off I intend to soon launch, is unchanged: To freshly tell the good news of Christ Jesus in a straightforward and easy to grasp manner and to get out of its way!
I hope you will stay. I hope you will be blessed. But if in the months and years to come I should offend or isolate... it's been nice knowing you, but I've got places to go and I take my orders from a Higher Source.
October 2nd, 1999
Los Angeles, CA
(Romans 10:9, John 3:17, John 5:24, John 1:12)
hotmail.com).